The Burden of Virginity [Sep. 28, 2010]

…At least about half a century ago, were a young, unmarried woman in her early twenties be questioned of her virginity, there would be no question of it. If she wasn’t, she would be considered a woman of loose morals. In those times, the efforts of a young virgin to remain abstinent would have been lauded. Now, virginity appears to be more a burden, one of which people vie to slough.

I am greatly perturbed by the difficulty that one seems to have to face in this day and age simply by being a virgin. On top of that, I am actually quite a bit perturbed at myself considering that I’ve been bothered to the breaking point of dedicating time to write about it (Since, usually, if it comes to such that I simply cannot stop mulling something over, the only cure for me is to sit down and record my thoughts).

Virgin? So? What’s the big deal? My ‘moral values’ are not bound by the constraints of religion or such, otherwise, I would be a virgin by restraint. I am one…simply because it is my current state of being, and by choice that implements a variety of factors. I am neither particularly ashamed nor proud of it. Even though the usual word-of-mouth is that I am asexual (yes, people like that DO exist http://www.asexuality.org), I do experience desire sometimes, and I do have ephemeral crushes, and therefore, I am capable and not truly asexual. However, people find it hard to believe that it is lack of desire, not restraint. You would not want to have sex with someone you were not attracted to, would you? And attraction is something that comes rarely for me. Imagine that there was a particular vegetable (or in my case, fruit), that you’ve always despised. For example, my good friend, the tomato. If you were constantly offered tomatoes, would your refusal of them be considered, ‘restraint’? No. Therefore, it is not a question of restraint, I am simply not attracted to the opportunities presented to me…On the contrary, I am, most of the time, repulsed. O_o Because of this, I DEFINITELY do not claim to be a highly moral person, considering the relativity of the concept, anyway.

Furthermore, I have lived the past couple of decades under the staunch impression that people on average began their sexual lives in their twenties. Up until I was about 19-20 years of age, I honestly, and regrettably, attached a stigma on someone who was not a virgin under, say…at least early twenties. One may think this is funny, but imagine my shock when I learned that the average age of virginity loss is at about 16? I would have never dreamed about doing that at that age. Up until relatively recently, I pretty much thought of non-virgin teenagers (or even early 20-somethings) as all delinquents with nothing better to do than to pursue the gratification of their senses. It was not until I was around 19-20 when it started to dawn on me that virginity was not as commonplace as I thought.

…And it ANNOYS me when people assume otherwise, and say such things as, ‘But you’re so beautiful/hot/talented/etc/etc…I am SURE plenty of guys go after you.’ YES, but are you implying that I have no free will? I have even gotten remarks along the lines of, “Boy, what a waste!” So, wait. If I was… well in use, would I be lauded for being an easy catch? Absolutely not. So, damned if I don’t, damned if I do.

Honestly, and thankfully, being a recipient to such disbelief is not as common as it could be. Initially, perhaps… but I am always able to articulate very clearly the numerous reasons as to my ‘flowered’ state of being. However, when I do, my reasons then tends to be translated into being overly prudish, or better yet, a ‘bitch’. Somehow, I am a bitch because I am apparently ‘not giving them a chance’. I don’t understand. Do you expect me to want them to test drive me like a vehicle?

What is so shocking about virgins past their teenaged years? I know PLENTY of virgins in their twenties who are intelligent, beautiful and talented. Unfortunately, since sex is doled out so willingly and easily like Free Trial AOL CDs, not many people are willing to wait for a worthy relationship before the sex, it seems. When I am hit on, once it dawns on the aggressor that they have no chance of having a physical relationship with me, they have no further interest in interacting with me at all.

As most people who know me well enough know, it is very rare for someone to catch my attention. The pursuit of love tends to be perhaps one of the furthest things from my mind, and I only tend to view such things as petty distractions. Perhaps I’ve focused my energies into my art, my dancing, my music and beat-making, my writing, etc…that I have not had time to invest in, or worry about, that sort of thing. And I am perfectly content with that.For me to fall in love, I have to be impressed. Maybe this is the part in which I may come across as a bit of a bitch, but I am rarely ever that impressed by any man anymore. …I want a vivacious someone that can challenge my intellect, relate to and rival me in (some of) my skills and talents, complement me otherwise, be of a good-hearted nature and make me laugh. Is that too much to ask?

It all boils down to: I simply have not met the person I want to share the experience with. Otherwise, I barely have any interest at all. It is such a simple concept, yet it appears to be so confusing to others. Why?

Is it really that strange? Am I really an odd one out in this respect?

Sorry if this is a little TL;DR.

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